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Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Big Balls the Pirate

I am inspired today to continue the writing vien started over at All Road's Lead to Kiki's.  Go check out her post on the things her grandchildren say, priceless.

The Little Monkey is saying something new.....inappropriate, um quite, funny to the Hubs and me, oh, hell yes.

For those of you who don't know, our Little Monkey's brain is wired a little differently than most of us.  He has autism. Now, don't go feeling all sorry for him, or us, we wouldn't change him for the world. He has taught everyone who loves him that being different is sometimes way, way cooler than being "normal." thing the Monkey struggles with is talking.  He is learning fast, and his specialized education has him climbing mountains everyday.  Two years ago, the Monkey didn't say a single word.  Now, at age 5, he is making up for lost time. Big Balls. Yep you heard me...

See, the Monkey likes to talk in a Pirate voice sometimes.  He covers one eye, and in his best raspy, gravelly impression says "Arrrgh I a Pirate." This is sometimes accompanied by him stabbing me with a hooked finger, and expecting me to "die" spectacularly from this vicious pirate attack.  As of the last two weeks he decided to "name" his pirate identity....the name...Big Balls.    "SAY WHA!!!!??"

Now....the Hubs and I do alot of interpreting for Monkey, his speech is very hard to understand sometimes, and sometimes it takes us days to figure out new words.  But his pirate name was clear as day..."Big Balls."

The first time he said it I nervously laughed...
"Um Monkey...what was that?"
 "AArgh I a Pirate..Big Balls" 
" mean Big Beard the Pirate sweet pea? Maybe Big Boss??"
"Aargh Big Balls".... 
"Um...Hubs...what is he saying....?"
 "Big Balls Honey.. he is saying he is Big Balls the Pirate...." (never looks up, keeps reading his Fox News Feed)


We tried correcting it, we tried figuring out where on earth he would get such a thing....he has no access to anything but PG movies...who knows....

So instead of feeling like a failure as a parent, we just let him say it, and laugh uncontrollably every time. Embrace the Big Balls!  Wait...what?

I worked late last night.  The Hubs triumphantly texted me that he was giving the Monkey a haircut.....ALONE.  See, it would be easier to give a farel cat a haircut than the Monkey.  It is usually a team sport.  Apparently the clippers are made of boiling acid .
I sent the Hubs a message back... "Without me are brave."

The Hubs' Response:

"I am Pirate Big Balls"

You see what I have to live with...


  1. OMG! LMAO! That is the funniest thing I have read in a long time! I needed that for my blog yesterday! Thx for the free advertising.

  2. I haven't laughed that hard in a while! Great post

  3. Key point is to never ever interrupt a man and his Fox News feed, big Balls or not.

    1. I think I just shot coffee out of my nose from laughing at your comment.

  4. Great Post! You never know what will be said by men, young or old!