Well Crap. That is how my day started yesterday.
I am using a stock photo from Bing images because my SD card is still in ICU on the Hubs' desk. Not that I would share an actual photo of poop with you, but I could have come up with some clever picture if I had all my images at my disposal. As you mutter to yourself about how I whine so much about my stupid SD card...just read on, I promise, it gets better. If you think poop makes things better.....
Wednesday morning we awoke to poop. And not just because of how the presidential election turned out. I have LOTS of feelings, and thoughts, and fears based on this recent turn of events in our country's history, however, I will not debate them here. If you want to debate politics, head on over to The Hubs' blog. Here... I am supposed to talk about homemaking, and kids, and my sarcastic view on home life. Nevertheless, I am not too shy to say that my vote was cast for Mitt Romney, and when I excitedly checked my phone first thing, and it scrolled "Obama wins", well ...well poop.
But enough about the figurative poop of yesterday and on to the literal poop of yesterday. The monkey was sick. Really sick. His little belly was just not doing well. He had been a bit down at school all week, and then the "explosion of 2012" happened yesterday morning. He pooped in his bed while he slept. An explosive poop. A poop that rivaled anything I have ever seen or smelled. Many of you may know that the Hubs is in the business of dealing with death. That is his work, he looks over dead bodies many times a week, examines them, and even moves them. If you want to know the details of what he does, head over to his blog and ask him! I say this to give you a point of reference. This man, who spends his life looking at decomposing human bodies, gagged when he smelled the Monkey's, um, explosion.
The Monkey stayed home from school. He went to the doctor, the doctor said he is fine. He got two suckers, I got to swipe my debit card. How is that fair? I should get a sucker, or atleast a gift card to Starbucks or something. Shouldn't that be included in my Obama Care? Ok, Ok, I know, I won't go there.
I washed the sheets and pajamas twice, and sprinkled baking soda all over the mattress, and left the windows open all day. I also used the power of the sun to air out pillows and sheets. The sunshine always helps.
Horrific. There is nothing like cleaning up a poop explosion before 6am, NOTHING. If you want to feel like there is no hope for the world, and that the planet is nothing but a pit of despair, clean up poop out of carpet at 5:50am. You will know what hell truly must feel like. And probably what it smells like too.
(And son, I am sorry, when you are 16, and your girlfriend finds this and reads it, I promise, I will tell her it was all a fabrication, and you will have nothing to be embarassed about.)