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Thursday, January 24, 2013

Pregnancy Confessions

This may sort of be like Taxi Cab Confessions, but without the hookers and sexual content. Although, who knows with me. (Just kidding mom)
 
At 10am I got so hungry that I ate an entire bowl of chicken and dumplings that I actually packed for the Hubs' lunch today.  He unwittingly left it my truck this morning.  I found it under my seat, therfor it became mine. And eating it at 10am, seemed like a good idea. This is after I have already eaten a blueberry donut and a hot and spicy kolache at around 07:30 am. I still have lunch plans at noon with one of my work collegues. I am certain I will eat something then too.
 
And now, I am so tired, I am seriously debating taking a nap at my desk. I feel as if I might die if I do not sleep. Have you ever been that tired? Where you could either fall into a coma or sleep, both are strikingly similar.
 
Amazingly, I have lost weight this week. This I attribute to a stomach issue I dealt with earlier in the week. (And no, I am not TRYING to lose weight while pregnant [obviously donut girl] I am just mentioning that it happened...don't send me nasty emails about the female body image and how I am starving my baby. It will eat again in 2 hours, I promise) 
 
By the way, I recently discovered that the key-word search that brings the most people to this blog is "poop" and "attractive higschool jocks." So I thought I would throw in a poop reference as to give the people what they want. Read between the lines, stomach issue= poop.
 
I wonder if people are seriously dissappointed when they are referred to this site when Googling "good looking highschool jocks" ? I referred to them in a NyQuil induced rant about stocking stuffers and a sewing project. Bummer.
 
I picture a middle aged lonely housewife with 20 minutes to herself, while the kids nap and the dishwasher drowns out the sounds of her sorrows.  She's thinking "well momma needs a few minutes of computer time...what to Google..oh! how 'bout a little eye candy.." Then, boom, she gets me.  Weird lady who blogs about poop, and compares highschool jocks to stocking sutffers. And now tells you that she ate 4000 calories before lunch. I can see the dissappointment on her face. It makes me sad. Sorry lonely housewife, care for a jam recipe? No.... I figured not. Well, enjoy reading about my son's poop explosion instead, in case you missed your own kids poop for the 20 minutes you had to yourself today, you can read about mine.

I feel bad for the housewives.....so.... just to give them a little somethin' somethin' back...here ya go ladies.......
{Handsome Cowboy on a Bike}
 
 



Sorry, I couldn't resist...wonder how many more lonely housewives I can dissapoint with that caption under the picture. Bet they still think he is handsome though.
 
My Monkey learned how to pedal his bike all on his own this weekend, and how to turn corners.  Well, AFTER he crashed into the neighbor's garage door, and then her car, while she was watching, and while it was my turn to catch him before he hit both. Yeah, I kinda fell down on my job...sorry, I was probably thinking about donuts or a nap, or how I could take a nap while still eating a donut.
 
I am 14 weeks pregnant, in full blown maternity clothes, and now eat constantly. Everyone says "you haven't gained weight anywhere but your belly! You are skinny everywhere else". I think they are all lying. However, my dear friend Amy gave me an honesty that I can only expect from her.  As I stuffed a pulled pork sandwich in my mouth and bitched about how fat I felt, she told me "well, it is all in your belly, you haven't gained anywhere else."  I told her everyone said that and I thought they were all lying.  To which she replied, "hah, well not me, if you were fat everywhere, I just wouldn't say anything.  You would say you felt fat, and I would compliment your shoes."  True friends are hard to find. She is a good one, she is honest, and takes me out to eat once a week. Damn, I should send her a card.
 
PS- Wonder how many people will find this blog now that I mentioned hookers and sexual content....Ha! Enjoy my jam making recipes and pictures of my baby clothes organization perv-o. Go call your mother.

4 comments:

  1. As the Hubs oft mentioned in this blog, I feel it is my duty to inform you that you are just as beautiful as the day we met. And just for the housewives peeking into our meek existance, we try very hard to avoid high school jock hookers spewing sexual content....

    There Darlin, that should boost your internet hits!

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    1. Honey, you are so sweet, thanks for telling me I am pretty, and helping me build my accidental porn surfer hits.

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  2. Isn't it amazing how much we can put away and not even feel? That sounds like me! And that's why I have crotch biscuits. Thanks for the pick me up.:)

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    1. Bahaha! Crotch Biscuits! I had to google it! And I have em too! Oh you made me laugh so hard.

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