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Wednesday, February 27, 2013

I don't THINK it is a tapeworm....

Sometimes I like to pretend I have a mass of adoring fans who follow me around like Princess Kate or Kim Kardashian trying to catch a glimpse of my "baby bump" and sell it for millions...... Just kidding! I know no one cares, well besides that creepy guy at the gas station who asked me when my baby was due and then just kept staring at me....locking the doors..now!
 
But seriously, I just realized I am constantly talking about this alien boy growing in my belly and haven't shown you any pictures of myself yet. So...here ya go. My belly progression so far.
{December 2012}  
We found out we were expectng in early November. This was the very first little poochy-ness I had. This is the can of biscuits phase.  I lovingly coined it that because I felt like a busted can of biscuits when I put on my regular jeans

{Now- February 2013}
 
So, I either have a little man growing in there, or it could be a tapeworm.  Both have shockingly similar symptoms..no? Just kidding. It's a human. He likes to fist bump me in the mornings when I roll over to turn off the alarm.  Apparently I squish him when I do this and he protests by punching me in the bladder.
 
PS- I felt like crappy crap crap when I took this picture...for whatever reason I had a wave of morning sickness- esque stuff last night when I was preparing dinner. Maybe it was cutting up the chicken that did me in....but the Hubs was kind enough to snap this shot even though I am fake smiling.  :)
 
Our little man is going to be named Colt Douglas.  The Douglas is after his Pops...my Daddy.  This will be his second grandson named after him...my mother is currently rolling her eyes at this and repeating to herself "there will be no living with him after this."  She is right.
 
For the most part, I am feeling fantastic right now, and totally not sick.  I like to eat all the time. I don't really have any wild cravings, but I have been drinking lots of milk, which is totally not normal for me.  I also have been getting a baked potato stuffed with barbecue meat alteast once a week...and eating the whole thing....scary. 
 
I wonder if any magazine paparazzi are following me around right now!? Bump Watch 2013!  Somehow I doubt it. BTW..I hate the phrase "baby bump"  Any ideas on a new catchy title for it? 
 
 

Monday, February 18, 2013

Drumroll Please......

Well.....I didn't pee on the ultrasound tech......

And now a little love poem to the baby...

Roses are red
Violets are Blue
We got to see your penis today
Whoa...ladies look out for you!

There is no mistaking
You are definitely a boy
Daddy can't stop smiling
Mommy jumped for joy

So....in case you missed the subtly....it is a BOY!

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Valentine's Day and My Big Ideas

Do you ever have one of those big ideas where you think "I want to do that! I can do that! yeah!"?  That is when you committ to something about 2 months out, and then wait until the day before to get it done.  That was me.  I signed up to do our County Wide Bakesale this Valentine's Day....and then forgot about it completely until I received an email reminder this week. Well, damn.

My crazy last week hadn't lent itself well to Valentine's planning of any sort, so I was stuck figuring something out on the fly...

Behold my Valentine Cupcake Concoctions:

I made them last night at about 9 pm. They look quite impressive, but they were really easy.  It is the "clothes" that make this "man." (what?....I think she ate too much sugar this morning)
 Anywho!
The cupcakes are strawberry cake with white buttercream frosting. Easy peasy.  I used a mix due to my time contraints....shhh...don't tell.
I used a star piping tip to apply my frosting and then used what pink sprinkles I had in my pantry to decorate.


Their adorable packaging is made by turning a small clear plastic drinking cup upside down over the cupcake on a heart printed paper plate.  Then, trace around the cup with a pencil.  Remove the cup and the cupcake.  Cut out the circle you drew. (make it just a teeeny smidge bigger than the cup opening so it doesn't just shove in there.)  Now, replace your cupcake and cup. Use clear tape to secure the paper bottom to the cup sides.  (I used the crystal clear gift wrapping tape...totally invisible, right!?)  Then, use some pretty ribbon to tie it up and give the packaging even more strength. Next,  I made little tags by cutting scrap book paper.  (I had to label mine for the bakesale)  Yours could label the contents, or be a sweet message for the recipient!

My  easy cupcakes sold before I could even get them placed on the tables at the bakesale!!  A gentleman bought them "for his wife" he said. I am so glad they will make a lady smile today!

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!!!!






Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Box of Chocolates

{123F Stock images}

 "Box Of Chocolates"- that is kinda what this will be: just a random assortment of what has been going on lately, to update you on my very small world.
 
The Monkey had a bad case of the pukey poops last week that knocked him out of commission for almost an entire week.  Which in turn, knocked us out of commission as well.  He was vomitting almost every hour, and we went through about 5 sets of pajamas a day, several blankets and towels, and my own clothes had to be changed 3 times the first day.  We eventually started lining the floor with blankets, and when the projectile stuff happened, we just scooped the blanket up and replaced it with one out of the dryer. It took both the Hubs and I to take care of our little fella. He ended up going to the doctor on Tuesday when he couldn't keep anything down, not gatorade or pedialite, nothing.  He got a prescription, and a shot in his heiney that made him scream like a horror movie death victim. But he is doing better (finally) this week.
 
I had to work all weekend, which threw all of the normal scheudules off, and just snowballed everything into giant piles of laundry and the likes.
 
I got a promotion at work.  I actually received word of the promotion while I was at home with a puke covered shirt on. What a shining career moment that is. The promotion is exciting for me, because I will be doing the work I originally signed on with this company with the hopes of doing, and it will give me a substantial pay increase. Win, win. I have been very, very busy with this new promotion.  Learning my new job, as well as training my replacement on my old job.  New jobs always scare me, even when you already work for a company, new assignments are always nerve wracking.  I hate feeling like I have no idea what I am doing, and knowing that a matter of national security now hangs in the balance. (My fancy new job is in Homeland Security...wow, hope I don't screw this one up ) Who decided I was the person to trust with this type of important work...?? If they only knew what a jack ass I am, they would totally just put me in a corner and let me touch nothing.  
 
We get to find out the gender of the baby on Monday (hopefully) I am very excited about this. However, I have to be at the ultrasound place at 06:30 am, and have to drink 32 oz of water before I get there and then not pee...yeah....tell that to a pregnant lady...see if she doesn't laugh at you.  I keep picturing myself peeing all over the table the first time they push on my belly.  What a beautiful moment for me and The Hubs...ahhh.
 
We bought a new washing machine. Woohoo! Our old one was so loud that when it spun, we had to stop talking and just wait for it to be done.  You could feel it vibrating the floors in the ENTIRE house. The new one is a fancy shmansy Samsung digital thinga-ma-gingy that looks like it has space ship controls.  The Hubs and I spent 20 minutes just trying to figure out what wash cylce to use.  It has all these cutesy names like "pure cycle" and "waterfall rinse."  I ended up going with "normal"  boooo...I lose, boring alert. It was a giant PAIN IN THE ASS getting that son of a B...delivered and I was ready to choke a delivery driver in my livingroom after it was all over. Just FYI- if they tell you they will be there between 2-4pm, and you rearrange your ENTIRE weekend to make sure you are home for the delivery, they will show up at 11:00am, and wonder why you aren't there.   Then they will tell you they will come between 7-9pm the next day to accomadate your work schedule....but apparently 7-9pm means 3:45 pm in the afternoon. But alas, the new washer is installed and sings me a happy tune when the laundry is done. I think it is trying too hard, but whatever, it is still new and trying to make a good impression.
 
Valentine's Day is Thursday. The Hubs already gave me my gift (no it wasn't the washing machine :) although, if you know me, you would know I would LOVE a washing machine as a gift.  I ASKED for a vacuum cleaner last Christmas)  The Hubs wrote me a song.  He wrote the music, and the lyrics, and played the guitar, and recorded it for me. I know, sorry other Husbands, I gave you two days to get on the ball after your wifes read that one... Get crackin.  We probably won't go out for dinner Thursday because the Hubs is "on-call" for work, and that would really suck to sit down at a nice restaurant just to get a call that some angry wife murdered her husband over bad chocolates and the Hubs has to go investigate. We will probably try to go to our special fancy dinner place this weekend.
 
We plan on planting a vegetable garden this weekend, and some more roses, and making our yard look pretty.  Here in Texas, Spring will begin.... oh any day now, so we can do that here.  Sorry Northerners, you have snow, I have 80 degrees and lettuce and cilantro already blooming away. We might also clean the carpets this weekend. Heh, they need it.  See first paragraph of blog.
 
Tune in Monday for the Big Baby Gender Reveal News!!! Weeee!

Friday, February 1, 2013

Old Dogs Can Learn New Tricks

{My Old Girl Clementine, yes, she always looks this sad.}
 
Please excuse the old nasty sleeping bag she sleeps on- she likes it. And the hay pile she created- she likes it too. And the old motorcycle behind her, that belongs to one of our friends, who asked if we could store it for "a while...."
 
I am going to tell you the story of the day I almost lost my old girl forever.
 
I remember it like it was yesterday, well because it was.... But first let me tell you how this very sad looking girl came to be my side kick for the past 8 years or so.
 
I received Clementine or "Momma Dog" as I call her, about 8 years ago as a gift from one of my best girlfriends. I had always wanted a Bloodhound.  We went to a local breeder together and picked her out. They said she was the sweetest and shy-est of the litter, so of course I picked her.  I have a bit of quiet, shy-ness to me too (I know, doesn't seem that way does it, but ask the Hubs, my quiet side often gets me questioned as to "are you ok"-- and it is just me, kinda not knowing what to do or say, so I just get quiet and shy) I immediatly fell in love with the shy quiet bloodhound who didn't demand my attention as all her sisters did, and who simply raised her eyebrows when I came over to see them. 
 
I took her home with me, and raised her from a puppy. She has always, always been painfully shy, painfully skittish, and has never seemed to get over being afraid of her own shadow.  People scare the hell out of her.  Any people.  She loves other animals though, and just wants to be their friends. She once befriended an armadillo who she allowed to eat from her food bowl every night.  She did the same thing with a field mouse.  She is not very smart. This is just a fact. She is the sweetest soul I have ever met, but when it comes to figuring out her little dog life problems, she requires a little help, a little patience, and a lot of careful coaxing.
 
Clem and I survived starting our lives over again together, and she came with me when I decided to completely start again about 4 years ago.  It was not easy for either of us, but my old girl came along with me.  She is one of the very, very few things I retained from my former life.
 
Clementine lived at my parent's place while I lived in apartments and figured out where my life was going.  Life started to change for the best for me, and I met and married the Hubs, and finally settled down in our little country home we now share. One afternoon he surprised me by building a huge doghouse and informing me we would be moving Clementine in with us now, and she and I would officially be back where we needed to be. Back together, and back in a real house we could make a home.
 
My old girl took some coaxing, and was still very leary of this new man in my life.  But with time, and patience, and weeks of letting her sniff at him from a safe distance, the Hubs finally won over my old girl, and she realized this new Hubs guy was pretty awesome.  She is still a bit scared of  The Monkey, but even that is getting better.  She sits now and lets him pet her, and occasionally sniffs him until he falls over giggling.
 
But my old girl was still lonely, and needed a dog friend.  Those are her favorite kind.  So....we adopted Jack. A black labrador retriever we found waiting to be put down at the animal shelter.  He had been returned by his last adoptive family just days earlier (maybe that should have been a clue...)  So, we took him home.  It was love at first sight!  Old girl LOVED Jack, and loved playing with him, and running and having a dog friend at last. It literally took years off of her appearance.
 
Oh, but Mr. Jack is no ordinary dog.  He is a street dog, clearly.  He has no room in his life for fences, or quaint little back yards with chickens and vegetable gardens.  No, he prefers the mean streets where he can run with his gang of hooligans who wait for him in my driveway... every.single.morning.  No really, a band of misfit dogs wait for their gang leader, Jack, every morning in my yard.  While chewing up my news paper and crapping on my sidewalk.  Sigh. 
 
Jack comes and goes as he pleases from our fenced back yard every day.  The Hubs spent an entire weekend rebuilding the fence so that it is 6 feet tall.  No match for a such a street gang leader, he flat foots it over the fence each morning. Most of our neighborhood actually knows his name, and where he lives, and just casually call us or bring him back. Oh Jack, the local gang king pin.
 
Well, yesterday my old girl had had enough of this.  Jack had left her again in the back yard with nothing to play with but the chickens. (And she knows they are off limits after an unfortunate- I am going to say- "accidental chicken manslaughter" case last Spring, the Hubs will call it chicken MURDER..whatever)
 
Ms. Clem decided to dig her way out of the fence and use that nose to go track down Jack.  (Now, please feel free to send me "bad dog mom" emails and scold me for what I am about to tell you)....Clem has no tag. She has no micro chip.  She has no identifying information on her at all.  Just a hot pink collar.  I never thought she needed it, she has never, ever gotten out.
 
So late last night I got a phone call.  A woman who lived in the neighborhood behind us had found Jack and had called the number on his tag.  "He plays with her kids every day."  She said  but today we decided to call and let us know he was still there after dark.  I have received these calls THOUSANDS of times.  "Ok, ok, thank you, where do you live, ok, we will be there in a minute to get him, yes, he is sweet, yes, thank you.." 
 
Then she mentioned "Oh and we found this old hound dog, frantically wandering and whining, and she wouldn't really come to us, but she was following Jack."  Say WHAT!!? My old girl!? Out and wandering at night!  They had apparently captured her in their garage using bologna as bait (Poor old Momma Dog, I know, you are a sucker for some bologna)
This lovely lady proceeded to tell me that this "pathetic old dog was so scared and worried that they just had to help her, and planned on taking her to the Bloodhound Rescue in the MORNING!"
 
"That is my dog!" I shouted.  "She has never gotten out!" I told the woman. 
"Well she had no tag or anything, so we were just going to take her to the rescue" 
"I will be right over!" I yelled.  I grabbed the Hubs and we went and got both of our dogs.
 
I almost lost my Old Girl forever.  She has been through so much with me, I just can't believe I almost lost her.

She was very sorry....

She is spending the day in the garage until we can get the yard secured again tonight.  And I will be getting her an i.d. tag tonight too.

No one could love and understand this dog like I do.  I know she is a little slow, and painfully shy, but that is who she is. And she thinks I am the best person in the whole world.  Oh, if I could only be the person my old girl thinks I am.