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Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Me vs. Elliot

So...my little Piglet has been suffering from a stuffy, runny nose all week. Poor fellow. I decided to get him a cool mist humidifier to help his congestion while he sleeps. I have this fear that his nose will somehow get so stuffed up that he will suffocate. I know this is probably very  unlikely in reality, but in my head, it is most likely going to happen. This is why I dragged the huge pac-n-play into our room Monday night so the Piglet could sleep a mere 3 inches from my face, you know, in case of snot suffocation. I could swoop in with the nose sucker bulb thing and save his tiny life. He didn't require nose sucking saving and slept through the night, whew. Anywho, back to the humidifier. I found this adorable one shaped like an Elephant who blows the steam out of his trunk...how cute. Immediately the Monkey wanted to play with it and quickly filled the water tank with his Monster trucks...hhhh....Who wouldn't... it looked like the elephant had a belly full of monster trucks. 

Bed time arrived with it's usual fury of cleaning up dinner, bathing children, and hearing the Hubs say "don't just suck the toothpaste off...brush... oh fine let me do it for you...". Then the Hubs got called away to work, and I was left to my own devices to figure out this cheerful elephant steam blower thing. His name is Elliot, it says so on the box.

Easy enough I thought. Fill with water...turn on..instant non baby death. Easy peasy, I went to college. First line of directions, bolded:

"DO NOT place humidifier on carpet, wood, a towel, or tile surface. Elevate humidifier two feet above the ground, on a level, lint free, water resistant surface."

Hmmmm..... um, what? The floor next to the crib is carpet, the floor adjacent to the crib is tile (bathroom) and the dresser next to the crib is wood, and I can't cover any of them with a towel....um what exactly would they like me to place this thing on? My mind continued on:  maybe a chair..no all my chairs are wood... hmm...maybe flip over a plastic trash can, wait that seems very unstable and much more dangerous...maybe the...no, or the...no.  Maybe this thing should come with it's own special stand made of Titanium Carbide or Tungsten...is that allowable? Giving up hope on finding a suitable surface, I moved on to the next section: the plugging in of my Cheeky little Elliot.
"Plugging in device: Be sure plug is atleast 2 feet away from device, and located preferably above the device"  OK, I can see the logic in this: water spillage+ electricity= bad. But..um didn't they tell me to elevate this thing 2 feet on some surface made of moon rocks...so my plug needs to be 4 feet off the ground...like chest level? Do you have a chest level plug in your home, with no wood, tile, or carpet near it? No? Me either. Then I started to even investigate where the plugs were in the room..
hmmm....prolly not the best place to plug in my electrified water squirting death machine. You know, inside the crib slats and all.  Also, note to self, get baby plug protector things STAT...

So exhausted at the ridiculous demands of the Cheeky bastard Elliot requiring his own personal 4 foot tall electrical outlet and his own bed made of nothing but leaves from the Himalayan jungle... I just did this:
Yep, there is Ol' Elliot the steam shooting death machine, his little feet half on tile, half on carpet, not elevated, and his cord stretched across a doorway, cause that was the only plug I could find not next to the baby's head. Super safe indeed.

And then...this guy started feeling much better...

 
So...we ended up not even using Mr. Steamy the Elephant of Death.... I changed his name.
Happy Hump day.





2 comments:

  1. You have received an A+, because baby is is alive and well, and another A+ because you actually read the directions.

    ReplyDelete