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Monday, November 4, 2013

Nothing like a good night's sleep

03:00 am: Piglet is huffy. He doesn't cry much mind you, but huffs and puffs, and smacks his whole body down onto his crib mattress when he gets fussy. The Hubs calls him a click bug..whatever that is. He curls his whole body up like a C, then flattens out quickly, flopping himself around in protest of his cage er uh, crib.  Anyway, 03:00, Piglet: both legs shoved through the slats of the crib, legs flailing, huffing getting down right frantic. Mommy to the rescue...pulls legs through, and as thank you to Mommy for saving legs, Piglet will wake up fully and allow her to feed him. Thank you Mommy.

03:03am: Finally settled into feeding position on bed. Piglet happily eating his 03:00 celebratory bottle.  Mommy hears strange noises through out the house. Thumping, TV, movement. Is an intruder watching Super Why at 03:03!? Determined to kick intruder out, set Piglet down to go investigate. Piglet screaming for Mommy to return in 3...2...

03:05am: Discover The Monkey wide awake in the living room, watching TV, playing cars, eating cereal.  Mommy explains to Monkey that it is not in fact 08:00 but 03:05 and he is absolutly not to be up eating cereal and watching info-mercials on steam cleaners. He must go back to bed, lights off, party's over. Monkey starts wailing because mommy is just so unreasonable and mean in 3....2...

03:07am: Back to room where Piglet's cries are now being muffled by a large, very handsome I might add,  man who flops one arm out of bed onto the pacifier in Piglets mouth to quiet him until "Mommy the saver of legs" returns.  Back to feeding Piglet. Only eats 2 ounces... so sleepy, back to sleep, geez Mommy, it is like 03:00 am, how can I be expected to finish a whole bottle, so sleeeeeepy....

04:00am: Hubs is up, getting ready for work. Yes, special assignment, more crazy work hours, must leave house at 04:30. Mommy intermittently wakes up to tell him where she put his pants and tell him she loves him.

04:45am: Piglet decides he would very much like to finish that bottle now please.....nope...still too sleepy

05:15am: Alarm to wake up goes off, Mommy is already awake anyways.

05:18am: Shower, damn it! Mommy ran out of soap, welp will just have to smell like the Hubs today.

05:35am: Out of shower, trying to blow dry hair, but Piglet is still fussy.  Move dryer to plug next to bed so that Mommy can tickle Piglet's belly and keep him happy while blindly drying hair with no mirror. Meh, it prolly looks fine.

0550am: Still in towel, Ok Piglet is really hungry now! MUST EAT! Feed Piglet while in towel and attempting to put lotion on  face while holding bottle. The Monkey is now up again.

06:00am: Finish feeding Piglet, still in towel, go holler for Monkey to get dressed for school. remember, "Crap" he didn't get a bath last night .... needs bath....

06:10am: Mommy has on shirt and underwear, no pants, curlers in half damp hair doing nothing, still no makeup. Screw it we have to leave in 20 minutes, no bath for you Monkey, just get dressed. "No those jeans, no the jeans, no no shorts it is too cold, no jeans, no, no, ok fine those jeans are fine." Who are we trying to impress, you will already be the stinky kid today.

06:20am: Blindly brush half damp hair with no mirror while putting Piglet in his clothes, he laughs at the hilarious Mommy.

06:30am: Leave, leave, we must leave, out the door, "no you cannot go back in for more cars, no we cannot stop for donuts, no please put the pumpkins down, get in the car, get in the car, get in the....oh, it is locked, sorry buddy. "

07:00am : Drop Piglet off at grandmas: she informs me there is huge wreck and hazmat spill on  direct route to the Monkey's school, and work, must take alternative rout.

07:30am: Time to be dropping Monkey off, still not there, alternate route is alternate for all other people alive, still driving.

07:45am: Finally drop monkey off, pray no one notices he has had no bath.

08:00am: Slide into work just under the wire. Get asked if am "feeling alright"...wonder why... remember no makeup and half damp, no mirror hair.

Yay for Monday.